a letter to my boys

Dear Gryffin and Isaiah,

I’ve seen several open letters online lately.  Letters to political figures, celebrities, letters from parent to child and it’s made me wonder what I might write to you, my wonderful, my delightful boys.  I haven’t ever written you  a letter before.  I’ve written a lot of notes in your baby books, sure– but nothing official.    Nothing like this.  But I woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn’t get back to sleep.  As I laid awake in the dark, listening to Papa’s deep breathing (ok, he was snoring like a beast, but he’s got a cold so we’ll cut him some slack) and hearing the occasional rustling of blankets coming from your room, I had the sudden urge to pray for you boys.   To pluck you up and hold you both in my hands before God and to ask for some big things.

I haven’t really prayed for you this way before.   I usually find myself asking for day-to-day things when I pray for you; that you would get over your cough, to bring down your fever, for help in figuring out your allergies, bravery to conquer something you fear -like swim lessons or dark rooms, peace in your spirit when you are worried about friends or being away from me or the animals that might jump out of your books, wisdom in how to discipline you, patience for when you are wearing on my every last nerve, restorative sleep for all of us, and all the little things that come up in our life together.

This time, though, I was reaching a little further, expanding and stretching out my dreams for you.  You’re both getting older and things are s l o w l y changing.  It’s less and less about all the various survival skills, like walking and talking and eating.  It’s growing, you’re growing, beyond that and moving further and further away from life as little ones content to laze about in my arms and gaze up at my face.   You’re both so busy now, on the move and ever onward, onward, onward.   Sometimes it feels like Papa and I can barely keep up with it all.    We’re no longer debating all the sleep training methods and madly trying to keep up with washing all the diapers and mushing up food.  Now we’re talking about your burgeoning friendships, your mildly alarming ability to use our iPad with dexterity and ease, your theological questions, your understanding of technology, how to handle mealtimes and dessert, introducing chores around the house, discerning your interests and unique personality traits.

Like my prayer last night, it’s new territory.   Instead of praying for you to please, for the love of all things sacred in the world, to please, please, please sleep longer than 45 minutes, I’m now praying for your relationships, your understanding of God, your understanding of food, your use of technology and television, your relationship with one another, with me, with Papa.  These are just a few of my hopes for you, Isaiah & Gryffin.  One letter could never contain all of my wild and capacious dreams for my two boys.

It might seem like a random sampling but it was the middle of the night after all and these are the things we’ve been talking about lately.

Television

• We have one.  So the question for us is not “will you watch it?” but “what will you watch?”   Screenwriters are some of the great story-tellers of our age and I hope you boys get swept away in some grand stories.  Right now it’s Diego and his wild and daring animal rescue adventures.   That’s a good story for you two at this particular stage of your development.  There are about a zillion stories being told on TV that aren’t quite so good.  I hope that we will help you choose wisely over the years so that you can immerse yourselves in stories that invite you to be part of an epic adventure, inspire you to big and daring things, fill the vaults of your imagination or  teach you about something you didn’t know before.
• I hope that you both enjoy reading like Papa and I do.  Experiencing the well-written word is a joy all it’s own and I hope you enjoy it as much as, if not more than, you enjoy the visual stories playing out on-screen.
• I hope that you will not watch TV alone, in the dark, to zone out, to pass the time, or to escape.  This is not an issue now but I’m sure the day will come when this is a temptation.  I hope that mostly we watch the television together,  on purpose.  I hope that you boys will have movies that you watch together over and over and over again; that you will be quoting lines from “your” movies years from now and you will remember fondly the lazy afternoons you spent upstairs, cuddled under blankets, munching popcorn, watching and laughing and acting along with all your favorite scenes.

Technology

• This one feels insurmountable at times.  You boys are going to be surrounded by technology like no generation before you.  We are still figuring this one out and I’m sure we’ll make mistakes along the way as we navigate this relatively new phenomenon.
• Whether it’s a smart phone, a computer, an iPad, video games, or whatever new whatchmacallit comes out over the years, be a good steward of the present.  As Jim Elliot said, “Wherever you are, be ALL there.”  Be present.   In your classrooms, among friends, at the dinner table, with your grandparents, with each other.
• You won’t miss a thing if you put your phone down or turn off your game.  You really won’t.  It feels that way sometimes but you won’t.  You WILL miss out if you forget to notice the people around you and give them your full attention.
• You have already felt the sting of being ignored or only partially heard because I was looking at my phone or my computer when I should have been looking at your faces.  It brings me pain to admit this and I’m so sorry.  I’m sure, as you get older, you are going to have friends that do not hear you or give you their full attention because they are too busy texting or emailing or playing a game.  Please remember what that feels like so that you can make a better choice when the situation is reversed and you have the opportunity to make another person feel heard, valued, important.

Food

• You are both picky about food right now and that is ok.  I hope that you will not always feel this way, that you will be adventurous and daring and willing to try new things.  I was once loathe to try new foods but since marrying your dad I’ve slowly been expanding my horizons and I wish I had started sooner.  People have found all sorts of interesting and creative ways to prepare food and feed their families and you can learn so much about a person by eating their food.
• Eat with other people.  Some of my most fond memories in life are of times spent around a table with family, with friends, with you.
• Eat to nourish your body and your soul, not because you are bored or lonely or sad.  You will feel best this way.  Promise.

Relationships

• I hope that you both find meaningful relationships in every stage of your life.  Not just relationships.  Meaningful relationships.  At this point in your lives, you are just starting to figure out how fun it is to have friends.  And it is fun.  But I still have so much control over it.  By and large, I choose who you play with and who we socialize with and I know that the gig is almost up.  Soon you will be choosing your own friends and I want so much for you to choose well.
• When I was a young girl, I was a follower.  I wanted people to like me and I was willing to change who I was to make it happen.  I spent so much time in my early years following my “friends” around, trying to be just like them in order to make them like me.   And so it took me a long time to figure out who I am and to be comfortable and confident being fully that.  How I hope you two don’t make that same mistake.  I’ve written before about your insides and your outside matching.  I want so much for you to be comfortable and confident showing your matching inside and outside… with me, with Papa, with each other, and with the friends who encircle you throughout your life.
• I remember someone saying once, about raising kids, that you want your kids to know what love is, at home, with you, so that they know what love is NOT when they leave the house.  I hope you both know an absolute abundance of love in our house.
• I hope that you will both be a good friend to your friends, someone they can count on, someone who is loyal, kind, brave, truthful.

I’m going to stop here because this is getting l e n g t h y.  And this is all only scratching the surface, boys.  There are so very many things I want for you (I’m already drafting more letters in my head) and I realize that the only way you will learn all these things is if I exemplify them for you.  And there’s the rub, right?  It’s easy for me to dream big for you but it’s hard sometimes to dream big for myself.   So come on over, come alongside me and watch my vision expand for you and maybe we can step into it together.

Love you both all the way to Home Depot and back,
Mama