done for now
Our preschool teacher sent me a text yesterday morning to say she was sick and school was cancelled for the day. Sigh. All my plans for the morning up in smoke. Just a year ago, this kind of thing would have been mildly devastating to me and my little introverted heart. For reals. Well, ok, “devastating” might be too strong a word but I would have been crushed. To have those highly valued, counted on and counted-down-to alone (read quiet) hours snatched up with no warning would have done me in. This morning though? I just sighed a little sigh, shrugged and said “ahhh, well.”
Things are changing ’round here. To have the boys unexpectedly home for the morning wasn’t a big deal. Not by a long shot. And I was surprised to suddenly find myself, and the boys, in this place. This place of “yeah, we can totally hang out here ALL morning and it’s really (mostly) fun” rather than “oh my gosh, what on earth am I going to do with them for 6 freakin’ hours? How am I going to entertain them? I suppose we’ll head to Target again just to break up this monotony.” Don’t get me wrong – I have always believed my boys to be crazy awesome and yes, yes, I focused on soaking it all up and loving every minute and all that. But we’re in a new place now.
So anyhow, I was pleasantly surprised yesterday at my nonchalant “no biggie” attitude. Remember how flexible I am? But the hours are no longer so monotonous. The boys are able to do so many fun and interesting things these days – imaginative play, playing together, art projects, race track building, train-track laying, bike riding, and the list just keeps on growing. My sister and her husband are often saying how much they miss having a baby in the house, how the baby phase is one of their favorites but… I’m not so sure I feel that way! I liked my babies, of course. Carrying them in my body and birthing them both was life-altering and undeniably two of the best things Jason and I have done together. And I do miss the squishy legs, the sleeping in my arms, the sleeping in our bed, the onsies, the cheering on as they rolled over and sat up and crawled and walked and talked. But I’m so thrilled with this current stage and all the interesting conversations we are having (like yesterday’s “how do squirrels eat?” (G) and “why do you wear a jacket when you ride a motorcycle?”(Z)) and exploring and learning so many new things with them. The farther we get from that “baby stage” the more it feels like we are peering out the back window of a car as the pregnancies and babies grow smaller and smaller in the distance.
For a long time after Jason and I got married, the question was always “when are you going to have kids?” Now that we have the kids, the question has switched to “how many are you going to have?” And while the pregnancies and babies are seeming more and more a thing of the past, we are still asking ourselves that question. How do you know when you are “done.” Someone brought up that question in my mom’s group last week and the conversation was so interesting and it further solidified my answer.
We are done having kids. For now. But I’ve learned from watching my sister and her family, leaving tomorrow (!) to pick up Peter, their soon-to-be-adopted son from China, 6 years after they knew they were done, that you just never know. And I’m ok to leave it a little messy, a little up in the air. I’m interested in foster care, Jason is interested in adoption, so we’ll see what happens as the years unfold. Our family might continue to grow and expand in the years to come. It might not. I know that we will look back fondly on these early years. No question. But I’ve come to believe that just because we will miss our boys as the darling, vulnerable little guys that they are right now (and because we already miss them as the babies they once were) doesn’t necessarily mean that we should have more kids. It just means that we will miss them. And that’s a good thing.
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Curious to hear from others… have you decided that you are “done”? How did you come to that decision? What factors did you consider? And why do so many families stop at 3? Is it just part of human nature to enjoy the challenge of being outnumbered?
Working on art projects yesterday morning. There was a whole 5 minutes there when I thought, hey, this is fun! Maybe I should homeschool!?…but the feeling was fleeting.
Isaiah concentrating so hard on those scissors. Almost got it, bud!
Gryff showing off his older-brother-I’m such a hard worker-skills.
I even got in on the action and worked on some sticker charts for the boys and their new “family jobs.” We decided that it’s time for them to have some family jobs – I like that phrase better than “chores” b/c it seems to connote more of a sense of “hey, we’re in this together” rather than “Ugghhh, boring work to do.”
And will wonders never cease? I found a combination of veggies and fruit for juicing that the boys like! A shocking turn of events. Celery, Kale, Apple, Orange, Lemon. I tried adding carrot but apparently it must be green or it’s a no go.
Who knew?
I just love reading your blog! Thanks for sharing. My girls are now five and almost two and I have to say that I am content at the moment. Like you, I’m not really craving the baby stage. I love learning from the girls and having so many interesting conversations. It’s, dare I say it, bliss. I’m also in love that we’re evenly matched and there are just enough arms for everyone. 🙂 Who knows what the future holds, but being content is definitely appetizing.
Thanks, Janelle! I agree, it’s hard to trade up from content – that’s for sure.
Love the phrase “family jobs!” It *does* sound so much more appealing than “chores.” I am definitely not a baby person. We are absolutely done with two kids. Except we also plan to foster/adopt another child or sibling pair (not babies) hopefully sometime in the next year or two.
Love it, Nancy! We knew after two that we not have any more via me (hyperemisiss through both pregnancies was plenty for us both!), but we did consider adopting for a number of years (a girl!). The summer before Alex started school, when the boys were 5 and 7, we looked around and realized that we were enjoying these progressively more independent boys and really didn’t want to go back. And like you, I do sometimes miss them being little, especially now that they are teen and pre-teen, but it’s tempered by the joy of watching them continue to grow and develop and learn. So for us, we’ll just have to wait until the next generation to get a little girl 🙂
It’s so funny that you should write about this now as I am going through some serious baby withdrawals – a dear friend just gave birth, 2 of my college roommates announced that they are pregnant and my cousin is due this summer. We are definitely done, my husband took care of that soon after Evan was born, and we should be, we don’t want to be 60 when our kids graduate high school, but I still find myself longing for all things baby lately. I try to remind myself of how miserable that last month of pregnancy was, how difficult it was recovering from a 2nd c-section and how nice it is that Evan is FINALLY sleeping though the night. I love that my kids now entertain each other and how much they love each other, I need to make a conscious effort to cherish each of those moments and try not dwell on the sadness of each passing baby phase.
Yes, I can only imagine after two rounds of HG, you’d be done! I always look at you and Eric and your boys and hope that we are as close knit as you four seem to be.
Yes, I know what you mean! When we had our kids, it felt like nobody else was pregnant or in the same life phase. But now? My closest friends are ALL pregnant and it’s left me feeling sort of… wistful. Every passing phase is happy and sad at the same time, I think.
This is also just the thing we’re pondering now as well. I just had my second boy in December and are just getting use to two little guys in the house. I haven’t reached that “comfortable” phase yet where I don’t wake up everyday thinking about things to do with my 2 year old to keep him busy at home…I look forward to the day when I find that point where I am no longer thinking too much about “what to do next.” I love hearing about your family. It sounds like things are going smoothly 🙂