in defense of yoga pants
As a birth doula I get a lot of questions postpartum…
When will this squishy belly disappear?
I haven’t showered in 8 days… is that ok?
When can I work out again?
What am I supposed to do with this thing (baby) all day?
You get the idea. I’ve read all the books and searched all the blogs for the latest and the greatest advice for postpartum moms. But most of what I’ve found is complete rubbish. And they all seem to say the same thing…
- Be sure to dress well every day! You’ll feel better for it!
- Be diligent about working out! It’s sooo important for feeling and looking your best!
- Sleep when the baby sleeps.
- Let the house go and just focus on your precious peanut.
You’ve all read these tips, right? I don’t really have anything against them, per se. But I’m not convinced it’s the best advice. So I decided to come up with my own list for new mamas. Here’s what I usually tell my clients postpartum…
- Lookout. Whether you want it or not, you are about to get an absolute onslaught of advice. The woman at the pharmacy, the stranger on the street, the kindly grandmother-type in the bathroom at church… they all know how to take care of that baby better than you do. But you know what? It’s not true. You are doing just fine. Your baby will be f i n e, even if you dressed her too warm, swaddled him too tight or burped them all wrong. Relax, take it in stride and treat all the pieces of advice (like this blog post, for starters) like shoes. Try ’em all on for size but only keep the ones that fit. You got this.
- Don’t exercise. Seriously. Exercising is not what you need to be doing right now. The drive in our culture to get back to the gym, onto the treadmill, back in those skinny jeans as soon as possible is ridiculous. And dangerous, people. One of my clients last year fainted at the gym. Why? Because she was there just 3 weeks after delivery. You body just did something mind-boggling. And the process took nine months. Give it some time to heal, for all your innards to readjust, for crying out loud, and for your hormones to stabilize just a tad. If you are honest with yourself, I’m guessing that your driving motivation in working out is not to feel good but to look good. It was for me. Fight the urge and do what is best for your body and your soul, which at the most is probably walking. Walking is great. Take all the walks you need and leave it at that for at least six months.
- Buy some yoga pants. Ahhh, yoga pants. They get such a bad rap. And I’ll admit that I’ve never been accused of being terribly fashionable, but I think the advice to dress up everyday is just silly. I’m not advising you to stop showering, dress like a slob and shuffle around town in your jammies. But dress for the job. It’s common sense. Wear something comfortable. It might not be yoga pants for you (I can see a few of my friends shuddering right now) but skinny jeans and knee high boots might not be it, either, when you’re spending 8 hours in the glider nursing your newborn. Just a thought. Figure out what’s comfortable and save the skirts and heels for going out to dinner or meeting up with friends.
You aren’t exactly doing this in your yoga pants? No biggie. - Make your bed. You might not be able to dust and mop and scrub like you used to, so yes, you might have to “let the house go,” but make your bed everyday. For some reason this made me feel like I still had a semblance of my life together after I had Gryffin. No military corners or anything. I just pulled the sheets and bedspread up, fluffed the pillows and called it a day. It takes one minute, tops. I still do it every day. Makes me feel more legit, more look at me, I still got it, even my bed is pulled together. Try it.
- Give someone else your baby. For at least 2 hours every week. And start as soon as possible. There are so many options out there for this, from a personal babysitter to a friend to a mom’s group with childcare. I know it’s hard to leave your baby at first. I do. It’s almost physically painful. But it’s so, so good for you. After I had Gryffin, I didn’t leave him anywhere during the week until he was 17 months old. Seventeen months! And then I started going to a mom’s group on Thursdays with free childcare. Best decision ever. So almost immediately after Isaiah was born, we joined the Y so I could have 1.5 hours every day to
sit in the hottub,workout, WALK. - Find some other mamas. If you aren’t lucky enough to join a waiting tribe of friends with babies, find some other way to connect with other mamas. Whether it’s a PEPS group or a mom’s group of some sort, you need friends to pass the long days with, to laugh at your neurosis, to help you troubleshoot all the various parenting dilemmas, and someone who gets it when you talk about sleep deprivation and poop and the bovine humiliation of pumping.
- Speaking of bovine humiliation, read Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. Nobody beats Lamott for giving words to the soaring heights and despairing depths of having a baby.
- And the best advice we got, right before we had Gryffin, was from our friend, Greg. He told us not to expect that our life would be the same, only with a baby now tagging along. Expect that your life will be completely different, he said. Because it will. It should be. And he was right. The sooner you figure this out, the easier it will be. It’s a hard adjustment, having a baby, and the learning curve is really steep. But the pay-off is exhilarating, expanding, life-altering goodness. So embrace it, enjoy the ride, and pick up a new pair of yoga pants while you’re at Target for the 8th time this week.
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Agree? Disagree? What else should I add to my list? What was the best advice you got when you had a baby?
Truth! Getting regular help during the week was the best decision I ever made. And Anne Lamott’s description of pumping is the funniest, most accurate description of the indignities of the milk machine (and I say that having exclusively pumped for almost two months).
Haha, you and your daily bed making. I totally agree, but the fact that you STILL do it everyday makes you kinda super! 🙂
Totally agree for the most part, but I think things need to be tailored to the person. For example = My kitchen being organized is my sane place. The bed could be a disaster, but I need for my counters to be clean. I can have disasters other places, but a quick wipe down of the counter, and maybe stacking any random dishes in the sink, brings a peace over my body more than any dusting, toilet scrubbing, bed making. I think each person has this one area that if they spent the one min there they could be OK with the mess elsewhere.
I am the odd ball out on the exercise one, but it was such a big part of my recovery that I will mention it. I think the exercise thing depends on who you are too. I was an emotional wreck after my first since it was a very unhappy csection and then a baby who did not nurse until 3 months and my OB was very aware of my mental and physical distress. At my one week check up she gave me the OK to exercise. Yup totally not for most I am willing to agree, but it was the sanity that I needed. I just walked slowly on the treadmill, sort of moved my legs on the recumbant bike or slowly floated back and forth in the pool. No jumping, running, dieting, increased heart rate or anything. More of going through the motions. Even at this low level it was sanity for me. I think it was partially beneficial because it gave me alone time with a purpose. I dont like to read, or shop, or knit, so I needed and activity while someone else was taking care of my baby. It was a time for prayer/meditation/feeling normal as I barely exercised. I left the gym in a better mental state than when I arrived. But I dont think most people need that exercise like I do. I have done at least one triathalon while pregnant with each kid. I have a noticeable change in my mood if I am not able to exercise in some way for a few days.
Mamas = I was blessed to be the last of my local friends to have kids. Soo great to have someone to chat with. It would be hard to be the first to jump into this pool.
Give someone else your baby = one of those pieces of advice that we actually liked and worked for us was go on a date around day 7-12 of your babies life. Even if you dont want to. For two hours your baby will be fine with about anyone. The hubby and I have always loved this. For my first we have this fun photo of 4 grandparents babysitting one 10 day olf baby as we left for a dinner 🙂
I am currently expecting #3 and I think the look out for too much advice works during pregnancy as well. I know i have certain people that I have to avoid or else their “advice” will make me paranoid. I also love the yoga pants pregnant too 🙂
Thanks Nancy 🙂 I write so much because it was a great article. I really enjoyed reading this and thinking through what works for me.
I love this post! I totally agree with everything. Loved the Anne Lamont book as well. I think what really messed me up was letting all of the verbal, web and book advise cloud my own intuition.
Dang, Nancy…17 months before you left G-man? I though I was hard core. I feel better now. Tony and I have finally worked out a plan for weekly dad and son time AWAY from mom for a least 3 hours. I so look forward to it. Mom’s group has been a sanity saver for me as well.
About exercising, I feel like the more I care about it less fit I get. I binge eat and just feel gross. But after I had Isaac…I tried to eat healthy clean food without even thinking the word diet. I add tons of fruit, veggies, meat and good fats and the weight came off. I still binge ate but not on bad stuff 95% of the time. Oh…I cut out the refined sugar as well. I used coconut palm sugar, real maple syrup and honey for sweeteners. I found that when I combo white sugar and simple carbs I felt more swollen, inflamed and weight was harder to drop. White sugar is the nasty root to a bunch of our modern ailments. If you do nothing else, reevaluate your relationship with sugar ladies. I guarantee you will feel the difference in your body.
Love it! I’m wearing yoga pants right now!! haha! 🙂
love this list! i think you nailed it, nancy.
Rebecca, I remember that photo of the four grandparents!
You’re right about “exercise” being a big part of recovery for some women. Absolutely. I think it’s an issue of semantics there. Sounds like moving your body and having time to yourself was hugely helpful for you –as it is for so many. I was referring more to the driving urge to start pounding the pavement to get that pre-pregnancy body back as soon as possible. Thanks for pointing that out.
Wow, Rebecca… two months of exclusive pumping. Intense!