this introvert’s dream
Does every introvert secretly dream of being a writer? Or is that just me? One of my friends recently asked me what I thought I would be if I wasn’t a birth doula. And I said something along the lines of… “oh, I think I’ve found something pretty great with this doula-ing thing… I’m not pining away for something different.” Buuuuut, that’s not entirely true. Sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to be a writer. I know that I am romanticizing it (a lot) but some days it just seems so appealing.
I could spend my days in blissful silence, sipping my latte, a la Carrie Bradshaw, writing relevant or witty or possibly even beautiful essays. Maybe an advice column like Dear Sugar. Or a collection of letters to my kids. Or a parenting journal like Anne Lamott. Wouldn’t it be grand if I was supposed to be writing all the time? You know, because it was my job.
I enjoy my work as a birth doula immensely. It has challenged me and changed me and moved me in ways that I never imagined for myself. I won’t be changing careers. Not a chance. But there IS one catch to the doula-ing gig. You can’t do it by yourself! Ever. There is almost NO aspect of my job that involves sitting at my desk in silence. With the exception of billing, scheduling and responding to client emails/calls/texts, every part of my job is face-to-face. I think I might have one of the best, most fulfilling jobs possible and I feel so fortunate to have stumbled upon it, but my need to recharge in solitude is sometimes impossible (remember my two kids?) and that’s when my dreams of writing full-time take flight.
My friend, Laurel, and I were talking about our introverted (me) and extroverted (her) natures and I remember trying to describe to her how I was always dreaming about more alone time. She nodded thoughtfully and said, “hmmm… when I’M with my kids all day, I imagine all sorts of wonderful conversations that I’d like to have with other people… and you imagine all sorts of wonderful conversations that you’d like to have with… yourself?”
Exactly.
I enjoy writing because it’s like having a conversation with myself. It’s like putting my jumble of thoughts into a juicer. It somehow takes my chaotic assortment of musings and contemplation and theological pondering and compresses it to release something coherent. I find it exhilarating and cathartic at the same time.
Every night at dinner, our family goes around and shares our “favorite part of the day.” The highlight, of course, is hearing Gryffin and Isaiah’s favorite parts. Or, “fay pah day” as Isaiah currently calls it. My favorite part is almost always writing. I guess everyone daydreams about being paid to do that one thing that they enjoy so very much. And I’m no exception. Everyone’s got to have a dream, right?
So now you know mine. What would you pick if you could be paid to do that ONE thing?
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A few favorite parts from this weekend…
Isaiah, post jelly sandwich
Gryffin waking up from a nap yesterday.
TOTALLY get this. I’d be an artist. Days alone in the studio, headphones on, world tuned out. Maybe a lunch date with you in the middle of the day, to keep me balanced – you know I’ve got a little bit of hermit in me!
i definitely think there is something about writing that appeals to most introverts-having the time and the space and the solitude to compose my expressions is something that i value sometimes more than an actual conversation. you know i’ve also romanticized the idea of being a writer… or a musician (too bad i don’t really like practicing)… or a professional lady of leisure. being in a room with 20 kids all day can do that to ya. for now, maternity leave is suiting me just fine!
Absolutely! I love this post and echo your “exhilarating and cathartic” sentiments towards the discipline of writing! For me, there’s definitely something deeply satisfying (gratifying?) about distilling and expressing thoughts on paper in solitude and silence. It suits some more than others. One reason as to why writing *might* appeal to introverts is the fundamental difference between writing and say an engaging conversation (where extroverts seem to thrive): writing takes a bit more time, and often involves editing, research, and parsing. There is the ever-present comfort of the delete button and you can continually polish what you “say.” It’s a delicate balance.
I definitely agree with you about how our culture seems to over-romanticize the liberal arts (writing, fine art, music, drama, classics, philosophy, etc.) but does so without concomitant economic incentive and reward. You can get that MFA, but you probably won’t be able to make a living in your field or get healthcare without a day job in a different industry. That’s why for many, writing is a great avocation rather than vocation on which to depend for a monthly paycheck and healthcare. I’m pretty sure that the author who solely makes his/her living writing books or poetry as a profession is an endangered species, and I suspect many have day jobs, including the famous ones here (see April 29 2013): http://www.incidentalcomics.com/
That said, I think you are a great writer and thinker! I’m a huge fan of the blog platform since it flattens access and democratizes the distribution of ideas so that those who aspire and dream about writing CAN actually write and publish quite easily! Keep dreaming the dream and keep these thoughtful posts coming!
Probably for about a good 10 years when I was a kid, my answer to the question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” was an author. I used to love the Young Author’s Conferences that happened every year, and my mom used to get me those blank books so I could write and illustrate my own stories. This may have been influenced by the fact that my mom worked at a children’s bookstore, but it was something I really loved.
In high school, I started journaling; a prayer journal to be exact. That’s where most of my free time writing has gone, and it stays very personal. However, when I was in Japan, I did have a blog: http://gaijinreflections.blogspot.com/
I always really enjoy reading yours and other people’s blogs. I’m impressed with your ability to be open, honest, vulnerable, thoughtful, and it’s fun to keep up on what is going on in your lives. You are an engaging and articulate writer, Nance!