And… they’re off!

First day of preschool today.  Last year G and Z attended an in-home school.  The house was just 2 blocks away and very casual.  Just 5 kids, including ours, and it was a perfect fit for us.  But this year we’re moving on to the big-time.  REAL preschool.   The boys are in the same class (see!  the benefit of semi-Irish twins!) and we’re on the same schedule as last year of three mornings/week.

I didn’t really want to do the “first day of school!” pictures with the little signs because, well, everybody does them and we all know that I don’t like to do what everybody else is doing until it goes out of style.  Remember?  It’s basically because I feel COOLER  if I don’t follow the crowd.  But… but… those pictures are so fun!   So I might not post them on Facebook, ’cause, you know, I’ve got to at least pretend like I’m still playing the too-cool-for-this card but in reality…

Now, Jason and I shouldn’t really pretend like we’re shouting “Let freedom ring!” since our “summer break” from preschool was actually all of two weeks.  Seriously, how do people DO an entire summer?  Two weeks of dragging the boys to the grocery store after a year of shopping in solitude and I was DONE.  I used to glide up and down those aisles at Trader Joe’s all zen and what not, watching the poor moms and dads wrestling with their kids and trying to find that abhorrent octopus that I hate, inwardly thanking my sweet stars that I was alone.  I was reminded of how hard simple tasks like grocery shopping are when you have a 3 and 4-year-old there to “help.”

But I’ve got to say that when Jason and I drove away this morning after dropping the boys off, we both felt sort of sad.  It was our first time leaving the boys somewhere so far away from our house (3 miles never felt so far!) and our first “official” first day of school with the back-to-school clothes and the pictures and the first-day jitters.  I even stood in the closet this morning for a minute, hesitating over what to wear.  What does one wear to drop their kid off at preschool?  What will the other moms be wearing?  Do I care?

I think all the landmark moments in their lives are lugubrious and rapturous in equal measure.  This is what they are supposed to be doing; stepping out into the world and taking some small steps away from us as they start to make their own way and become their own people.  And how we rejoice over these steps!  What joy we find in bearing witness.  It would be devastating for us if our boys weren’t able to grow in this way, weren’t able to start school and move forward in their lives.  But damn it’s hard.   I’m not saying I want to grocery shop with them.  But…

Do I miss these little guys?  You bet.