Getting My Bearings

I always feel a little edgy when I’m on an airplane.  I wouldn’t say that I’m afraid to fly, exactly, but it’s definitely not my favorite thing.  I tend to get all morbid and melancholy, especially when I’m flying without Jason and the boys.  I start picturing what it would be like if the plane went down, how I would feel and what I would say to Jason if I was able to leave him a goodbye message, and all manner of maudlin scenarios cooked up by my over-active imagination.  Forethought of grief is a specialty of mine.  I’m also somewhat claustrophobic and mildly afraid of heights which doesn’t help much.  Mostly, though, I just feel small on an airplane.  Insignificant.  And I start to get all existential and weird.

Today was no exception.  I flew alone to California for a quick weekend visit to surprise my niece for her 10th birthday.  I came a couple of years ago for her sister’s 10th birthday and we decided to make it a tradition for each of my sister’s girls.  She has no idea that I’m in town (her birthday isn’t until next week) and I can’t wait to surprise her in the morning.

It was a completely full flight and I was wedged in the middle seat between two rather substantial men.   What’s the deal with airplane-man-posture, btw?  Legs spread wide, arms on both armrests?  Are they just so burly and manly that they can’t possibly squeeze into the teeny tiny lady seats?    Just curious.

Anyhow, so I was wedged between the two big tough guys, eyes closed as we taxied down the runway.  Once we were off the ground I opened my eyes.  I always feel a little better once we are actually up in the air.  Big man on my right had fallen asleep already so I glanced out the window.  Here’s what I saw…

My first thought, was beautiful.  I was awed enough that I snapped a quick picture.  My second thought was oh man, we are so freaking high up.  I am SO far away from my people.  Unsettled, I closed my eyes again and took a slow deep breath.  Then another one.  And then I decided to do a centering exercise that I learned from our college chaplain, Ben Patterson, more than a decade ago.  He led our entire school in this exercise once during chapel and I’ve always remembered it.  I’ve done it a few times since then but I hadn’t thought of it in years.

It’s really simple.  You just think of your current location and then slowly work your way outward in concentric circles.  This is what it looked like for me today:

I’m in seat 5B…
In an airplane…
Flying over Seattle…
State of Washington…
United States…
Western Hemishere…
Planet Earth…
Universe…
And mind of God.

I don’t know what made me think of it but doing this exercise always makes me feel less afraid.  Less alone.  There is nowhere I can go that is outside of the mind of God.  And on the airplane today, it helped me get my bearings.  I felt secure, grounded even, despite the fact that we were 10,000 feet and climbing.  And hey, we didn’t crash.  That was pretty cool, too.