throwback thursday

June 10, 2021June 5, 2021 by nance In Parenting Leave a comment

My blog is celebrating its 10 year anniversary this summer and I’ve been going back and poring over old posts, rereading past entries.

This is one of the very first entries — about Isaiah. Jason and I were talking this afternoon about what it feels like for our baby to be 11 now. There are so many exciting things ahead for him. So much to look forward to. But still. It hurts to remember these days and feel that grip of longing squeeze our chests.

He’s on the cusp of his teenage years now and I’m struck by how much feels the same. We don’t call him “Baby” anymore but he’s garnered many more nicknames over the years. The changes continue to be subtle and delicate and while I know that middle & high school, and college beyond that, hold so much possibility, I miss the baby he was and the wondrous, curious kid he’s been, even while peering around the bend with him.

On the Cusp

August 20, 2011

It’s definitely happening, folks. My little guy is on the cusp. When it happened with Gryffin I didn’t realize what was going on right in front of me. Didn’t realize the significance of what was happening. But now it’s Isaiah’s turn and I’m very much aware that he’s teetering on the brink. He’s about to leave babyhood behind and wobble his way into the wonderful world of toddler life. It happens so gradually that you don’t really notice at first. It’s like watching a flower open. The changes are so subtle, so delicate, almost impossible to detect. But yet it opens right in front of you and you aren’t even sure when exactly it went from bud to bloom.

I remember someone asking me about Gryffin when he was about 16 months, “how does it feel to not have a baby anymore?” and I just stared at them blankly. The thought had never occurred to me. Not a baby? Of course he was still a baby! But over the next several days it started to dawn on me that he wasn’t. How could this be? When did it happen? My friend was right. I began to think back, trying to remember everything from the past year. And I was surprised at how much I had already forgotten. So now I know how very fickle the human mind is, how quickly a parent forgets all the little details of babyhood as their children grow and change with each passing day. Jason and I immediately began to lament the fact that we were already starting to forget some of the sweet little details of Gryffin’s babyhood. And now Isaiah’s as well.

From the moment we came home from the hospital we have called Isaiah “Baby.” It started with Gryffin, of course. At just 18 months, there was no hope that he could pronounce Isaiah. So it’s been “Baby” since day 1. It still is. But we are so very near the end of this era in his life. As much as I long for each milestone and cheer on every tottering step he takes, I can’t help but miss my dear “Baby” already.